While being generous, kind, and helpful are worthy traits, sometimes we swing too far in one direction. Gabor Mate refers to being self-sacrificing to the point that you are hurting your health. Healthy self-interest is the foundation for health. When you are always thinking of others and putting yourself last, this causes illness and disease because noone was meant to live this way over a long period of time. He cites cases where personality traits are common in certain diseases.
Healthy You
It takes a certain amount of healthy selfishness to make the time to take care of oneself. Commit to a healthy practice, such as meditation. Close your door and tell everyone you don’t want to be disturbed for ten minutes unless there’s a fire.
It’s very sobering to realize that old childhood patterns, which can remain unconscious until you bring awareness to your behavior, are something that you’ve outgrown and now are hurting you. You want to look at your life and ask yourself how you can be a generous and giving person without completely giving yourself away.
Hidden Resentment
Find areas where you feel resentment. For example, if you are always there for a friend, but they don’t seem to reciprocate because they are always too busy, then that’s an area to study more closely. Your body will give signals when something isn’t right in your inner world. Even if you think something is fine, if you have headaches or pain when you are around someone, then they are draining your energy. You have a finite supply of energy and most of us have multiple demands on our time, so anything that doesn’t add value is something to think about and take action on. This could mean downgrading a friendship or distancing yourself from someone. This is much easier to say than actually follow through with because we want to consider ourselves loyal people, but consider your first loyalty to yourself.
Daily Practice
Practice being selfish. Do something that stretches you. Take time for a massage instead of volunteering because you really need it. It can be something as small as taking the largest slice of cake. Noone will notice and it’s good for you. Buy yourself an extra treat because you had a really hard day. Make time to rest and allow for extra sleep if you are tired.
Start looking at your life and see areas where you have sacrificed yourself and you have abandoned yourself, without even realizing. Personally, this is a work-in-progress for me but now I notice when something isn’t working and it’s affecting my health. Greater awareness will cause you to question the choices you are making.
