As caregivers, we are always on alert and anticipating needs. It’s hard to remember how to relax and not be so vigilant all the time for danger.
We are like emergency personnel who have to make sure that our loved ones are healthy, safe, and comfortable, all the while managing the daily life of running one or more households. It takes a toll and it’s very hard to suddenly turn the light switch to relaxation mode.
This hypervigilance is the greatest block to relaxation and rest, and the critical ability to restore ourselves. While taking responsibility is a good thing, we can’t continue to live in this emergency state all the time.
I recently found respite time and I had the hardest time relaxing, so I write these words to myself knowing how challenging it can be. The following ideas may help:
- Find ways to calm your mind. Breathing practices are a great way to ground your body. If you have a minute, you can practice taking three deep breaths. If you have ten minutes, you can do a guided breath meditation. If you are taking a yoga class, you can focus on your breathing as an intention. You can practice breathing while waiting in line or in the shower so you don’t have to find extra time. Sitting meditation and walking meditation are also helpful.
- Give yourself time. It will take more time for you than other people to relax and get into vacation mode. Expect that there will be roadblocks and challenges, but it’s worth it to learn how to relax, let go, and not be in control all the time.
Think of this as a practice. On some days, it will be easier than others. Just keep going and try different things to see what works for you. - Accept help. Saying the three words “I need help” may to some people sound like an admission of weakness. We are supposed to handle things at work and with our personal lives, but caregiving is very different. Another person may be 100% reliant on you to help them and the demands are never ending. It’s imperative that we be lovingly selfish and have people help us.
If this sounds like a challenge, start with something small and then work your way up to something bigger.
